The first few months, when your bundle of joy first arrives home with you, is about establishing the bond between mother and baby. This usually occurs during the breast-feeding process. This can equally happen when your baby is bottle-fed, but again most mothers feed their baby far more than dads do. Often dads feel a little left out and over time don’t really know how to become more involved in the process. Fast forward 12months and still bedtime is about mummy and baby with dad being excluded altogether.

The longer dads are left out of the bedtime and settling process, the harder it can become. First of all, it just becomes habit or the norm for mum to tackle the bedtime routine and night wake ups. Secondly dad just loses confidence and really doesn’t know what to do because he feels he doesn’t have “the right equipment”.

There are lots of ways dads can become highly involved with their baby right from the beginning. Breast-feeding is very important, but other than that, dads are capable of doing everything else from nappies, bath-time, story time and even putting baby to bed.

When I speak with parents, a lot of the discussion is about how to involve dad more. It is not because these dads are against helping, but they feel like they are making things worse because their baby seems to protest more until mum comes in to rescue them. Here is a simple example of how to involve both parents at bedtime:

Bath time and massage (Dad)

Nappy and pyjamas on (Dad)

Breast-feed (Mum) and Story (Dad)

Kisses and cuddles (Mum). Mum leaves.

Kisses and cuddles (Dad)

Into the cot (Dad)

As many dads work, evening is the only time to spend with baby. Quality bonding time is crucial. Being included in the bedtime routine is far more beneficial for baby rather than playing before bed when baby is clearly tired.

When baby wakes in the night, unless it is a “feed time”, dad can help to resettle all other times. As a mum myself, I often took the ‘night-shift’ because my husband worked long hours and I could take a nap during the day to catch up on sleep. I totally understand this way of thinking. What if this is not about who needs sleep more BUT about increasing bond time with your baby? Leaving the settling up to one single person really limits the possibility of your baby bonding equally with both parents.

Just because your baby is breast-fed, this should not determine who does all the settling and who does the bedtime routine. Sleep should not be the sole responsibility of one parent. Share the load and share this amazing bonding experience equally.

Sleep well,