Tag Archives: bedtime routine

Can you sleep train a newborn?

July 18, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Parents often want to know when they can begin establishing healthy sleep habits. It really does pose the question – can you sleep train a newborn? So, you understand the importance of sleep but there is this “fear” that you will create really bad sleep habits for your baby. What should you do?

Firstly I want to clearly state my position regarding sleep training a newborn… I believe you cannot “sleep train” a newborn baby. After 12weeks, there are different techniques and methods more suited for younger babies you can begin to try if you are finding sleep difficult. Science dictates that the sleep cycle of a newborn differs greatly from the sleep cycle of a baby over 6months of age.

So what does this mean? You cannot do anything until 6months? No, in fact you can do lots of things in the interim to help your baby BEGIN to establish healthy sleep habits. Here are some things you can do from the moment you arrive home from the hospital.

1) Establish a bedtime routine.

Yep, starting a defined bedtime routine gives you and your baby a clear line between nighttime and daytime sleep. Incorporating a bath, a massage, a book or song before bed will become an important ‘sleep cue.’

2) Establish “good feeding.”

Make sure your baby is feeding properly. Is your baby latching correctly? Many babies are born with upper/lower lip-ties that make feeding difficult. A hungry baby will not sleep! If your baby has reflux, you may need to offer smaller feeds more often to prevent over-feeding causing discomfort. See a lactation consultant if you are finding feeding difficult.

3) Positive Sleep Environment.

When at home, try your best to allow your baby to sleep in a quiet room, in a bassinet or cot. This will encourage a better daytime sleep and it will help with nighttime sleeping too. If your baby is always in the sling napping during the day, it will be harder for them to sleep without it at night.

4) Understand your baby’s tired signs.

Newborns can roughly stay awake for about 45mins at a time. This means that by the time your baby has woken; you need to change the nappy, feed, burp and bond all in 45mins. It isn’t long before your baby is ready to sleep again. Really watch the clock AND your baby’s tired signs. An overtired baby will need a lot of ‘help’ to fall asleep or your baby may catnap instead.

5) Helping your baby to fall asleep.

Some babies need a lot of help to fall asleep, some babies need no help at all. Rocking, patting, cuddling to sleep are all great tools for newborns. There are no set rules around newborn sleep but keep in the forefront of your mind that as each week clocks on, you want to help your baby less and less to fall asleep initially and less help to resettle.

Having a newborn baby in the house can be stressful and demanding – but it is also such a special time that goes by far too quickly. This time is about bonding, feeding and sleeping for everyone involved!

To read more about newborn sleep, click here

Sleep Well,

Janelle Jeffery Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime — Janelle Jeffery
Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Why I’m teaching my daughter about sleep

May 19, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Being a child sleep consultant there is a lot of talk at the dinner table around what I do, so you would be right to think that my daughter Emily is and has always been, a perfect sleeper. Well that just isn’t the case.

In fact I still have this image burnt in my brain of Emily (3 at the time) standing in the bathroom half undressed, tantrum in full swing, and me on my bed crying having a time out. I hated the lead up to bedtime, and so did she. Every night the battle was on. We were both left with wounds even though the end result was her finally falling asleep. No one walked away a winner.

It was getting so horrendous that after dinner, I would pounce on her kicking and screaming (that was both of us!!) whilst trying to navigate the stairs to the bathroom to rip the clothes off her tiny body. Boy she was strong. I would talk to Emily through gritted teeth and basically threaten her that I would send her to bed without a story or a kiss or even pyjamas. She would need to sleep naked! Bedtime was a punishment for both of us.

Hindsight and knowledge are wonderful things because once we finally passed that phase (not quite sure how I did it to be honest as there was a lot of wine consumed during that period) I realised that I needed to teach my daughter about sleep. Sleep should not be a punishment but a lovely reward after a busy day. I looked at sleep that way so why couldn’t she?

How to teach your child about sleep

#1 Tired signs

If your child is getting ratty, being naughty or is having a tantrum AND it is close to a sleep time, tell him “your body is telling me that you are getting tired. I get frustrated/angry/upset/etc when I am tired too.” No child likes to hear, “you are tired.” By commenting on what his body is telling him, takes it away from being a personal attack. It is not his fault he is behaving that way – he’s tired. By telling him that you feel like that too helps him understand that it is normal. This also enables him to begin to recognise the signs of being tired. I love it when Emily says to me “I am tired mummy, I think I need to go to bed.”

#2 No surprises

The element of surprise will only backfire at bedtime. Imagine you are watching your favourite show and your partner switches off the TV and sends you to bed. You would be mighty angry! Children need to be warned that playtime is at an end and bedtime is approaching. Set a timer for 5minutes and once it’s time, playtime is done.

Stick to the same bedtime routine each and every night. A bedtime routine’s job is to send a message to our body that is it time for sleep. If there is no consistent routine, then your child is missing out on that vital sleep cue.

#3 Communication

Talk through the bedtime routine. Some children need step-by-step guidance. These can be one word prompts like “toilet, clothes off, bath, teeth, pyjamas, etc.” There is a lot of research out there stating boys process information differently to girls. If you overload your son with long, wordy instructions, you are likely to hit resistance. Less talk more action applies here. You can download a visual bedtime chart here or make your own.

Explain to your child (not when they are having a meltdown!) why sleep is so important. Make it simple and explain it in a way that is age appropriate.

Sleep is Awesome because…

Sleep makes our hearts happy.
Sleeps helps us to grow.
Sleep helps our body to fight germs.
Sleep helps us to balance and not fall over.
Sleep gives our brain power to think.
Sleep gives us energy to play and have fun.

#4 Punishment

As soon as you make bedtime a punishment, you are always going to be faced with a battle. Sending a child to bed after explaining they are showing their “tired signs” is one thing, but sending them to bed for hurting their sister is the wrong message you want to be giving. If you do need to offer a “timeout” I would recommend using a different room in the house.

So, in a nutshell…

Change your mindset around sleep.
Teach your child about tired signs.
Teach your child about the benefits of sleep.
Follow a consistent bedtime routine. (Download chart)
Contact me here for a professional, holistic approach to change bedtime battles at your house.

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep

Preparing for the new school year – A sleep perspective

January 18, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Learning is tiring. Sleep is vital for child development.

For some of you, February marks the first time your child will attend school. Some of us have been here before but many of us will be feeling worried about how our children will cope (me included!).

With only a couple of weeks of holiday left, making sleep your priority will enable your child to have a smoother start to the year. Preparing your child needs to start tonight.

1) The Bedtime Routine – what you need to know.

Length: If the bedtime routine has become quite relaxed over the summer, it is time to get back on track. The bedtime routine should take about 30-40mins tops otherwise it can drag out and your child will become overtired. An overtired child will either struggle to fall asleep and/or have night wake ups. Some children once overtired can experience night terrors.

Steps: Beginning the bedtime routine with a bath or shower as this can enable your child to unwind from the day’s events. A wash can relax the body, triggering the mind to get ready for sleep.

A simple bedtime routine would look something like this:

Toilet then bath or shower
Brush teeth
Pjs on and dim lights
Bed and book (limited to 1 or 2 depending on the length)
Kiss and a cuddle
Lights out then leave

Download your free bedtime routine chart here

Location: Where the routine takes place is just as important as the steps involved. Trying to keep the routine within the bathroom and bedroom environment creates a smoother transition into bed. It also reduces the risk of a bedtime battle as many children feel bedtime is a punishment because the fun continues without them.

2) Bedtime – Setting the ideal time for bed.

The first thing to keep in mind is that it will take about 15-20minutes (on average) for your child to fall asleep. So knowing that, if the time for bed is 8pm, then really your child is sleeping from 8:20pm. For some children this is too late. The old phrase “sleep begets sleep” means if your child is not getting enough sleep, they will run a ‘sleep debt’. This can cause night wakings and/or early rising and night terrors. Your child will sleep less even though in reality they need more.

Say over the summer 8pm has been working fine as your child has been sleeping later in the morning, you still need to consider that school will be starting soon, and your child will need to be up earlier in the morning. Jumping immediately to a 7pm may mean that your child will just lay awake until 8pm anyway. Your child may not lie there at all, but instead decide to come out multiple times trying to burn off the last bit of energy.

I recommend over the next few weeks to slowly push bedtime closer to 7/7:30pm. You can do this by moving bedtime forward every 3-5nights by 10-15mins. It would look something like this:

Nights 1-3 7:50pm bedtime
Nights 3-5 7:40pm bedtime
Nights 6-9 7:30pm bedtime

How quickly you alter the time for bed depends on how your child copes with change. Slower is ideal because adjusting your body clock takes time.

3) Daytime Naps – how to cope.

If your child still takes a daytime nap, you may want to go a day here and there without one before school starts. You are testing the waters really because you do not want the first day of school to be the first no nap day! This is to prepare your child for long days at school with little to no rest time. On those days make sure bedtime is super early.

If you feel your child is ready to drop the nap completely and you are not sure how, download my Nap Guide here.

Other considerations…

Starting the new school year is full of excitement (kids) and nerves (parents!). Enough sleep is crucial for a smooth transition. You child is going to be exhausted for the first few weeks so making sleep a priority before school starts is key.

If you know that your child is not a great sleeper, it may be time to seek help. Research suggests that,

“Sleep plays an important role in memory, both before and after learning a new task. Lack of sleep affects mood, motivation (and) judgement.”(HealthySleep)

A well-rested child is one who is open to learning, accepting of new experiences and willing to play with others.

If you are experiencing sleep troubles, book in your free 15min consultation with me at www.sleepytime.net.au/contact

Sleep well,

Reference: www.healthysleep.med.harvard.edu

Baby Sleep, Child Sleep, Parenting

I can’t be involved because my partner breast-feeds

May 28, 2015 Janelle 1 Comment

Increasing the bond between baby and daddy is so important.

The first few months, when your bundle of joy first arrives home with you, is about establishing the bond between mother and baby. This usually occurs during the breast-feeding process. This can equally happen when your baby is bottle-fed, but again most mothers feed their baby far more than dads do. Often dads feel a little left out and over time don’t really know how to become more involved in the process. Fast forward 12months and still bedtime is about mummy and baby with dad being excluded altogether.

The longer dads are left out of the bedtime and settling process, the harder it can become. First of all, it just becomes habit or the norm for mum to tackle the bedtime routine and night wake ups. Secondly dad just loses confidence and really doesn’t know what to do because he feels he doesn’t have “the right equipment”.

There are lots of ways dads can become highly involved with their baby right from the beginning. Breast-feeding is very important, but other than that, dads are capable of doing everything else from nappies, bath-time, story time and even putting baby to bed.

When I speak with parents, a lot of the discussion is about how to involve dad more. It is not because these dads are against helping, but they feel like they are making things worse because their baby seems to protest more until mum comes in to rescue them. Here is a simple example of how to involve both parents at bedtime:

Bath time and massage (Dad)

Nappy and pyjamas on (Dad)

Breast-feed (Mum) and Story (Dad)

Kisses and cuddles (Mum). Mum leaves.

Kisses and cuddles (Dad)

Into the cot (Dad)

As many dads work, evening is the only time to spend with baby. Quality bonding time is crucial. Being included in the bedtime routine is far more beneficial for baby rather than playing before bed when baby is clearly tired.

When baby wakes in the night, unless it is a “feed time”, dad can help to resettle all other times. As a mum myself, I often took the ‘night-shift’ because my husband worked long hours and I could take a nap during the day to catch up on sleep. I totally understand this way of thinking. What if this is not about who needs sleep more BUT about increasing bond time with your baby? Leaving the settling up to one single person really limits the possibility of your baby bonding equally with both parents.

Just because your baby is breast-fed, this should not determine who does all the settling and who does the bedtime routine. Sleep should not be the sole responsibility of one parent. Share the load and share this amazing bonding experience equally.

Sleep well,

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

5 Top Tips To Reduce Bedtime Battles

March 5, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

In an ideal world, bedtime would be the best time of the day where you get to share some special time with your child or children as they unwind and get ready for bed. You share stories about the day, read books, give lots of kisses and cuddles then they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Now in the real world, that seldom happens. As you merely mention the word “bath time” or “bedtime” world war three erupts. You throw them over your shoulder as you wrestle each other to the bathroom. As you try to rip their clothes off, they run away from you. You manage to catch their nose on the neckline and suddenly they are in tears and so are you. You give up on the bath, forgo story time, turn on the telly you all fall asleep on the couch through total exhaustion.

I remember a few years ago I would send myself to timeout, as I was afraid of what I would do if I stayed there any longer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! So, through my own personal experience, here are a few tips to help ease that bedtime battle…

Play before bath

After dinner is the best time to offer your child a time to play. When it is approximately 30-40minutes before lights out, this is the ideal time to start your bedtime routine. The routine starts with a bath or shower, and ends up in the bedroom with lights out. The bedtime routine is isolated in the bedroom and bathroom only as this becomes the cue that it is “sleepytime”.

Give a heads up

Approximately 5 minutes before the bedtime routine begins, give your child a warning that playtime is nearly over and bath time is about to begin. Imagine you are halfway through painting your nails and you are told to down tools and head to bed. I would say you would be pretty annoyed at being yanked away, plus you haven’t finished yet. Now imagine you get your nail varnish out and I say “you have 5minutes until bath time”. Now you have the choice to quickly paint your nails or choose something else less time consuming. You can even set a timer and once it goes off, it is time to stop playing.

Walk and talk

Once playtime is over, walk and talk. Say “I am heading to the bathroom, I will see you there.” This enables you to be out of the room before the negotiating or arguing starts. You can even make it fun. Tonight we are going to stomp like dinosaurs. Tonight we are going to fly like birds. This is making the transition fun and a slight extension of play.

Offer specific praise

Children love to please. They want to be recognised for doing good deeds. Offer praise and lots of it, BUT make sure the praise is specific to what they are doing. If your child stops playing and heads to the bathroom without a fuss, by saying “good boy” or “good girl” has no meaning to them. If you change it by saying “I liked how you came to the bathroom straight away” allows the child to understand exactly what behaviour pleases you. “I noticed you got into the bath quickly tonight.” Being clear is really important.

Be consistent

There will be some nights when your child will be a true angel and bedtime is a magical experience. There will be some nights when your child is over it and just wants to do what they want to do. Regardless, if you are 100% consistent with your evening routine, YOUR BATTLES WILL BE REDUCED immensely. If one night you are strict with the 5minute warning and the next you give in and agree to 5minutes more, you will inevitably create a bigger bedtime battle.

Children love routine and consistency even if at times they seem to want to resist it. After over a decade of working with children I know this is a definite fact. If you chop and change the rules, your child will be confused and you will pull your hair out.

All in all, bedtime should be a lovely part of your day. If you can keep it a positive and loving experience instead of a screaming match, you will begin to see the change pretty quickly. Every family goes through this bedtime battle from time to time so you are not alone.

Sleep well,

Janelle

Help your child to love sleep