Tag Archives: parenting

Mum to One

November 26, 2015 Janelle 4 Comments

The universe told me to write this post. You will be privy to something deep inside my soul. This is about my journey being a mum to one child.

Over 18months ago I wrote a blog post called “Just One Child.” In this post I shared the issue I had with my personal response to the question “How many children do you have?” – “Just One.” My response said I felt guilty about not being able to produce a sibling for our beautiful daughter Emily. What is said was that I was less of a woman because I could not perform the most basic thing. It reinforced that I was a failure.

After writing that piece, I did change my attitude and response. Now I happily say “I have one!”

Robert and I have been trying to have another baby for over three years. With Emily nearly 6, it has been quite the journey. With taking a multitude of vitamins, checking my temperature daily, tracking my menstrual cycle, checking my bodily fluids even visiting a fertility treatment centre, we felt we tried the best we could. Yes we could have tried more, but we just didn’t have it in us. Trying for so long we just needed to get off that rollercoaster. In the end we realized that we were so blessed. We have the most amazingly smart, funny, imaginative, breathtaking little girl who is our everything. We accepted that it just wasn’t going to happen for us.

This year has been a real turning point for me. When I see babies or pregnant bellies, the feeling in the pit of my stomach isn’t as intense. That jealousy is fading. Yes it is still there from time to time but most of the time I feel nothing but happiness for that mum. This has been a huge leap forward for me.

Four months ago I felt ready to sell the pram. I kid you not, I said to the poor mum buying it “You can’t have it unless you promise to look after it.” It took me a long time to feel that I was ready to let it go. It wasn’t just a pram, it was so much more.

When there is change, there are setbacks. Unfortunately these setbacks catch you out. Only a few weeks ago I was sitting in a meeting with 5 other colleagues. As we were saying our goodbyes, one asked, “So are you having any more children?” I proudly and confidently responded “No.” Then she shocked me by asking “Why?” With 5 faces all staring at me, my tough exterior was shattered. My brain kept saying over and over “how can she ask me this?” This question came from a mum of one too. Weren’t we on the same team? Luckily everyone else in the room could see the horror on my face and jumped in and rescued me by saying how amazing Emily was. So clearly, I am not totally over it.

Robert and I often talk about our “little family.” Now interestingly we focus on all the positives about having one child and in fact one starting “big school” next year. We no longer have nappies to change, toilet training to implement or dictated by nap schedules. We don’t need to get up a thousand times a night.

For Emily, she gets the best of both worlds. She spends a lot of time with friends at school, after school and on weekends. She is also very close to her cousins. On the plus side, she also gets true down time where she doesn’t need to negotiate with others or share her toys. She gets a choice of mummy or daddy to read her a story or even both. She still manages to fight with her fur sister Minnie Moo (the cat), but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

No matter how much guilt I carry or call myself a failure, I cannot suddenly make my body grow a baby. What I do have control over is getting the support I need to deal with the grief. What I have control over is how I respond to those road bumps and pick myself up along the way.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have the most amazing daughter who is a pure miracle. I have the most loving husband who is my best friend. I am lucky to have so many people in my life who really do love me for me, warts and all. I can no longer dwell on what I cannot change or cannot have.

This is my personal journey being a mum to one. It isn’t over but I can see the light. If you are a mum to one or even a mum to none and are struggling right now, I hear you and I see you. Lean on people around you. Allow yourself to grieve. It does get easier.

Am I completely accepting and ok that I am the mum to one? No. Do I think I will be some day? Yes

Janelle Jeffery Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime — Janelle Jeffery
Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime

Baby Sleep, Child Sleep, Toddler Sleep

How to Avoid Summer Sleep Trouble

November 16, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

Summer used to be my favourite time of year. Late nights, barbecues with friends, lazy mornings. Since becoming a mother, my ideal summer has changed somewhat. Now I have the challenge of a child struggling with sleep. Here are my best 3 tips to help you survive the summer months and promote the best opportunity for sleep for your entire family.

Sleeping in the summer months can be tricky for everyone.

1. Darkness

Our bodies need darkness to produce melatonin. Melatonin is what makes us sleepy. During the summer months, it can still be light outside making it more difficult for your child to fall asleep. Try your best to use thick, block-out or blackout curtains in your child’s bedroom. This is also really important in the morning when the level of melatonin in our bodies is at it’s lowest. The smallest amount of sunlight can wake your child ready to start the day!

2. Temperature

If our bodies are too hot, we find it difficult to sleep. If your child has been running around, offer a lukewarm bath or shower to help drop their body temperature a little. Provide quiet, calm activities before bed.

If you live in a hot house like me, dress your little one in very light layers when they first go to bed. Later in the evening, you may want to add another layer over the top, because as the temperature drops in the early hours, you do not want your child to wake feeling cold. It can be really tricky getting the right balance so sometimes it is a bit of trial and error. For safe wrapping, visit here.

3. Avoid Over-Scheduling

This is a busy time for many families. With so many social events filling up our diaries, it can be hard to say ‘no’. I say everything needs to be in balance. If your child has had a late night or a day of missed naps, then the next day, try to stay closer to home and offer the best opportunity to catch up on lost sleep.

Our children’s bodies do need a certain amount of sleep each day. If that is reduced, then they carry a “sleep debt”. If that sleep debt if not addressed quickly, it will impact on your child’s sleep permanently. A child not sleeping is one tired and cranky household!!

The overall message here is be consistent with bedtime as much as possible. If there has been any missed sleep, make sure your child has a chance to catch up. Make sure your child’s environment is perfect to promote the best quality sleep possible.

Book in a time to chat with me here.

Sleep well!

About Janelle, Baby Sleep, Child Sleep, Crying, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

My Baby Refused to Co-sleep and What I Did About It.

April 10, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

If I buy shoes that are too small for my daughter or push her into activities that she doesn’t enjoy or keep her away from the things that she excels at because it differs from what her peers wear/do/are good at does this mean I’m a good mother? Of course it doesn’t.

It is so easy to see in this example how expecting something from my daughter that doesn’t fit with her own unique comforts, interests, and abilities can begin to harm her physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I don’t see my role as a loving mother to coerce my daughter into a certain way of being or to tell her what she does and doesn’t need. It is my job to use my mothering instincts to listen very carefully and try all options available to me to create a safe, comforting, loving environment to encourage the optimal development of my little girl.

There is no doubt in my mind that you and all other mothers and fathers out there agree that we would do anything for the best interests of our children.

So why do we throw stones when one parent doesn’t push and force their beautiful baby into the mould that so perfectly fits our own baby – especially when it comes to sleep?

There is so much hate directed towards each other between the Cry-It-Out “dictators” and the Co-Sleeping “hippies”. My problem is not which method is chosen; my problem is why on earth does another baby’s needs bother you so much? (Notice how I said another baby’s needs?)

I’m not a sleep expert but I’ve tried almost all options available to me in order to help my baby girl to have restful sleep. We have all heard the horror sleep stories and I’m at neither extreme of the sleep scale but I suppose you could say my bub was closer to the no-sleep end of the spectrum.

Like some of us, I like a certain level of control in my life, and as diligent pregnant women I casually researched and talked to other mums to get advice and ideas on how to best raise our child. Before she was born, my husband and I compared notes and had a general idea of which direction we would want to take and how we could best implement these ideas.

Then our beautiful baby was born. I cuddled and hugged her, fed her to sleep, I laid down with her, I kept her by my side in a bassinet, I jumped at every murmur to feed, and cuddle and let her know I was with her. My husband stayed awake with us at every feed and every wake-up to let her know that he was there also. I carried her against me as much as I could.

She hated it. She cried and cried. Didn’t sleep in the car, didn’t sleep in the carrier, didn’t sleep in the pram, didn’t sleep in my bed, didn’t sleep in my arms. The only time she did sleep in any of these locations is only after crying until she was exhausted.

I thought I was doing the right thing by holding her close, showing I was there for her and living with her on me. It’s what she was used to after being in my belly for over 9months, it’s what she is supposed to want – right?

As a Registered Nurse and a Kinesiologist, ruling out a medical issue was first on the list. So if not that, then what was it? Why did she not do as the books said she would do? Why did she not like what the ‘experts’ said she would like?

It’s because she isn’t the print within the pages of a book, she isn’t a science experiment, she isn’t your child or your friend’s child, she is my child and she likes what she likes, and doesn’t like what she doesn’t like.

After 4 months of experimenting and trial and error, my husband and I were none-the wiser on what to do. We tried to co-sleep, we tried rocking her to sleep, we tried having her next to us in a bassinet, we tried having her outside our bedroom door, tried her in her own room and then briefly tried the cry-it-out method with friends and family there to monitor it with us – nothing worked and she would just cry herself to sleep.

It was heartbreaking – not to mention exhausting – to see our little girl struggle to get to sleep no matter what we did.

As corny as this may sound I couldn’t believe that I was unable to love-her to sleep like I was yearning to. She was, and still is such a bright, attentive, curious and happy baby by day but at naptime and bedtime it was an hour/s long process.

At this point, as with most 4-month olds, her development reached a new milestone, meaning her already short naps were getting less frequent and she began waking up more at night.

We knew it was time to get professional customised support but I was terrified of calling a sleep consultant.

I thought that I would have to re-live the cry-it-out torture but the thought of continuing to pace and rock my little girl to sleep while she cried and fought sleep for 40 minutes (after an hour-long breastfeed to get her sleepy) and then starting that whole process again after she woke 15minutes later pushed my sleep-deprived mind into making that call, booking that skype chat and listening to what our consultant, Janelle had to say.

Janelle was so thorough and created such a specific and personalised plan for our girl that I felt that maybe she could help us. I was doubtful that such a simple process could work seeing as I felt like I’d tried everything already, however we completed the program and it worked!

I cannot explain how it worked, other than seeing for myself that by rocking her in my arms I was assuming that she needed me to fall asleep, I was trying to make her fit into a mould of what I thought a baby’s sleep time should be like, but it turned out that I was hindering her and not meeting her unique needs.

I didn’t just learn how to help my daughter to sleep; I let go of my guilt and assumptions and let my daughter be her. I accepted her for what she needed from me and for what she didn’t. After changing my approach, she fell asleep within a fraction of the time; she was being put in bed awake and falling asleep on her own.

Nowadays my girl is 18 months old and still whines on falling asleep it’s just her way.

I’ve interrupted her whining-to-sleep process and asked if she was ok and she said “yes” and if she wanted me to leave and she said “yes”.

She now sleeps peacefully in the car, carrier, pram and bed but still doesn’t like the stimulation of physical contact when going to sleep. Luckily she makes sure she gets her fill of kisses and cuddles while she is awake!

Kate Lethbridge - Guest Blogger — Kate Lethbridge – Guest Blogger for Sleepytime

Kate Lethbridge is a Registered Nurse, Holistic Kinesiologist, Mind Body Medicine practitioner and mother who has a passion to facilitate others to achieve their biggest goals one-by-one by helping her clients become their ultimate self physically, mentally and emotionally.

For more about Kate and her services visit the following pages:

Website: http://www.avalonkinesiology.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/avalonkinesiology

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/av_kinesiology

All opinions represented within this article relate to the best interests of the author, her family and her child – please make your own health care choices are based on the best interests of your own child/ren and family. Most of all, please respect the needs of other babies and don’t throw stones at their mums.

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

5 Top Tips To Reduce Bedtime Battles

March 5, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

In an ideal world, bedtime would be the best time of the day where you get to share some special time with your child or children as they unwind and get ready for bed. You share stories about the day, read books, give lots of kisses and cuddles then they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Now in the real world, that seldom happens. As you merely mention the word “bath time” or “bedtime” world war three erupts. You throw them over your shoulder as you wrestle each other to the bathroom. As you try to rip their clothes off, they run away from you. You manage to catch their nose on the neckline and suddenly they are in tears and so are you. You give up on the bath, forgo story time, turn on the telly you all fall asleep on the couch through total exhaustion.

I remember a few years ago I would send myself to timeout, as I was afraid of what I would do if I stayed there any longer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! So, through my own personal experience, here are a few tips to help ease that bedtime battle…

Play before bath

After dinner is the best time to offer your child a time to play. When it is approximately 30-40minutes before lights out, this is the ideal time to start your bedtime routine. The routine starts with a bath or shower, and ends up in the bedroom with lights out. The bedtime routine is isolated in the bedroom and bathroom only as this becomes the cue that it is “sleepytime”.

Give a heads up

Approximately 5 minutes before the bedtime routine begins, give your child a warning that playtime is nearly over and bath time is about to begin. Imagine you are halfway through painting your nails and you are told to down tools and head to bed. I would say you would be pretty annoyed at being yanked away, plus you haven’t finished yet. Now imagine you get your nail varnish out and I say “you have 5minutes until bath time”. Now you have the choice to quickly paint your nails or choose something else less time consuming. You can even set a timer and once it goes off, it is time to stop playing.

Walk and talk

Once playtime is over, walk and talk. Say “I am heading to the bathroom, I will see you there.” This enables you to be out of the room before the negotiating or arguing starts. You can even make it fun. Tonight we are going to stomp like dinosaurs. Tonight we are going to fly like birds. This is making the transition fun and a slight extension of play.

Offer specific praise

Children love to please. They want to be recognised for doing good deeds. Offer praise and lots of it, BUT make sure the praise is specific to what they are doing. If your child stops playing and heads to the bathroom without a fuss, by saying “good boy” or “good girl” has no meaning to them. If you change it by saying “I liked how you came to the bathroom straight away” allows the child to understand exactly what behaviour pleases you. “I noticed you got into the bath quickly tonight.” Being clear is really important.

Be consistent

There will be some nights when your child will be a true angel and bedtime is a magical experience. There will be some nights when your child is over it and just wants to do what they want to do. Regardless, if you are 100% consistent with your evening routine, YOUR BATTLES WILL BE REDUCED immensely. If one night you are strict with the 5minute warning and the next you give in and agree to 5minutes more, you will inevitably create a bigger bedtime battle.

Children love routine and consistency even if at times they seem to want to resist it. After over a decade of working with children I know this is a definite fact. If you chop and change the rules, your child will be confused and you will pull your hair out.

All in all, bedtime should be a lovely part of your day. If you can keep it a positive and loving experience instead of a screaming match, you will begin to see the change pretty quickly. Every family goes through this bedtime battle from time to time so you are not alone.

Sleep well,

Janelle

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Toilet Training and Sleep

December 27, 2014 Janelle Leave a comment

It is such a momentous time in your child’s life when they become free of nappies and are learning to toilet train. Unfortunately this huge change in your child’s life can really affect sleep.

Toilet training can really affect your child's sleep. — Toilet training can really affect your child’s sleep.

1. Increased night wake ups

Just like any other developmental milestone, the brain is very active at night making sense of all the new information it has learnt. A very active mind can cause your child to wake up more frequently. If your child could sleep independently before toilet training began, then they can during and after – as long as you are consistent with your approach. You may need to attend to your child more frequently during the night, but once you know they are fine, then leave them to fall asleep on their own without your help.

2. Toilet requests at bedtime

Always include a trip to the toilet before a nap and before bedtime in your standard sleep time routine. For a while your child may call out and request a visit to the toilet. This can be difficult for parents as it can feel like a stalling technique. I am sure your child will eventually realise it can be used as one so your judgement here is crucial. If you have had 3 visits to the toilet with no success, then ignore any other requests past that point. You may have a few accidents in bed, but that is part of the joy of toilet training.

3. Requests during the night

So your child is now waking up during the night to go to the toilet. This again is part of the process of learning those toileting cues. Yes you may have a few months of getting up during the night, but again, once your child has been to the toilet, leave them alone to fall asleep independently.

4. Milk at bedtime

If you are still including a bottle or cup of milk during the bedtime routine, I urge you to cut this out of the routine once toilet training has commenced. This will reduce the midnight visits to the toilet.

A child learning how to use the toilet can be a fast or slow process. Not all children are the same so the more relaxed and chilled out you are about it, the better it will be all round. Yes your child’s sleep will be disturbed for a while, but if you are consistent with your approach and you continue to encourage independent sleeping habits, the easier it will be for everyone.

Janelle Jeffery

Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepyime

Help your child to love sleep