Tag Archives: toddler

Do you want nap time success?

March 9, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

Almost all parents at some stage of their child’s life find naptime difficult. Some naptime issues include:

Your child needs your help to nap;
Your child finds it difficult to fall asleep at all; or
Your child only catnaps.

There are many more nap problems that I haven’t included here but these are definitely the most common. If you are experiencing difficult naps, here are my tips for better nap time success:

1. Sleeping independently

This is a big one. What I find is if you are helping your child to fall asleep (rocking, patting, feeding, dummy, bouncing etc) to sleep, often these sleep associations have an expiry date of usefulness. With a newborn the rules are different. Feeding to sleep was fine, but eventually that will stop working for you, so you move on to say, rocking to sleep. Now your child is too heavy so you change to patting. Suddenly you realise that your ‘bag of tricks’ is empty and your child still isn’t sleeping on their own. Now it is time to place your child into the cot completely awake without your help so they can begin to establish their own tools to fall asleep. Easier said than done right? If you need some help, contact me here.

2. Provide a ‘sleepy’ environment

Again, newborns can usually sleep anywhere. Once your baby passes this newborn phase, it is important that the majority of the time they are sleeping where it is dark and fairly quiet. If you have a noisy house during they day, white noise can help. Try to make the room as dark as you can. Why? Darkness helps the body to produce melatonin that makes us sleepy. The temperature of the room needs to be on the cooler side (not cold). If you cannot change the temperature, dress your child in lightweight clothing. If your child is too hot, it is harder to sleep.

3. Send the message it is “sleepytime”

Most parents have the bedtime routine down pat, but forget to send the same message at nap time. Your child needs the cue that it is “sleepytime”. It may seem obvious to us the cot is there, so it must be “sleepytime”, BUT babies need time to unwind and understand what is happening at that moment.

Here is an example of a nap routine:

Go into the bedroom
Change nappy
Sit and read a quick story
Kisses and cuddles
Say “it’s sleepytime”
Into the cot awake

4. Allow time to resettle

Some children’s cries will go from nothing to hysterical in less than a minute. When your child wakes up after the first sleep cycle (30-45mins), he will cry out and you will run in immediately. This is part of being a responsive parent right? Yes totally but the problem with rescuing your child so quickly is that they are still tired and not finished napping. This is the reason they are so upset. Your child really wants to sleep more but they are not sure how too. If your child isn’t falling asleep independently at the beginning of the nap, then clocking on to the next sleep cycle without your help is difficult. Don’t be afraid to wait a little to allow them the chance to fall back to sleep. Always listen to the cries and if there are breaks, then just wait a little. If you are needed, try for 10-20mins to extend the nap by offering some gentle touch. This won’t be easy at first, but the more you do it, the better the chance you will be successful.

Combating naptime struggles are often frustrating and exhausting for not only you, but also for your child. Naps do take a lot of time to perfect, and just when you think you have it all sorted, it is time for your baby to drop a nap. If you wonder if your child is ready to drop a nap, download the “Sleepytime Guide to Mastering Nap Transitions” here.

Sleep well,

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

5 Top Tips To Reduce Bedtime Battles

March 5, 2015 Janelle Leave a comment

In an ideal world, bedtime would be the best time of the day where you get to share some special time with your child or children as they unwind and get ready for bed. You share stories about the day, read books, give lots of kisses and cuddles then they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Now in the real world, that seldom happens. As you merely mention the word “bath time” or “bedtime” world war three erupts. You throw them over your shoulder as you wrestle each other to the bathroom. As you try to rip their clothes off, they run away from you. You manage to catch their nose on the neckline and suddenly they are in tears and so are you. You give up on the bath, forgo story time, turn on the telly you all fall asleep on the couch through total exhaustion.

I remember a few years ago I would send myself to timeout, as I was afraid of what I would do if I stayed there any longer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! So, through my own personal experience, here are a few tips to help ease that bedtime battle…

Play before bath

After dinner is the best time to offer your child a time to play. When it is approximately 30-40minutes before lights out, this is the ideal time to start your bedtime routine. The routine starts with a bath or shower, and ends up in the bedroom with lights out. The bedtime routine is isolated in the bedroom and bathroom only as this becomes the cue that it is “sleepytime”.

Give a heads up

Approximately 5 minutes before the bedtime routine begins, give your child a warning that playtime is nearly over and bath time is about to begin. Imagine you are halfway through painting your nails and you are told to down tools and head to bed. I would say you would be pretty annoyed at being yanked away, plus you haven’t finished yet. Now imagine you get your nail varnish out and I say “you have 5minutes until bath time”. Now you have the choice to quickly paint your nails or choose something else less time consuming. You can even set a timer and once it goes off, it is time to stop playing.

Walk and talk

Once playtime is over, walk and talk. Say “I am heading to the bathroom, I will see you there.” This enables you to be out of the room before the negotiating or arguing starts. You can even make it fun. Tonight we are going to stomp like dinosaurs. Tonight we are going to fly like birds. This is making the transition fun and a slight extension of play.

Offer specific praise

Children love to please. They want to be recognised for doing good deeds. Offer praise and lots of it, BUT make sure the praise is specific to what they are doing. If your child stops playing and heads to the bathroom without a fuss, by saying “good boy” or “good girl” has no meaning to them. If you change it by saying “I liked how you came to the bathroom straight away” allows the child to understand exactly what behaviour pleases you. “I noticed you got into the bath quickly tonight.” Being clear is really important.

Be consistent

There will be some nights when your child will be a true angel and bedtime is a magical experience. There will be some nights when your child is over it and just wants to do what they want to do. Regardless, if you are 100% consistent with your evening routine, YOUR BATTLES WILL BE REDUCED immensely. If one night you are strict with the 5minute warning and the next you give in and agree to 5minutes more, you will inevitably create a bigger bedtime battle.

Children love routine and consistency even if at times they seem to want to resist it. After over a decade of working with children I know this is a definite fact. If you chop and change the rules, your child will be confused and you will pull your hair out.

All in all, bedtime should be a lovely part of your day. If you can keep it a positive and loving experience instead of a screaming match, you will begin to see the change pretty quickly. Every family goes through this bedtime battle from time to time so you are not alone.

Sleep well,

Janelle

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Toilet Training and Sleep

December 27, 2014 Janelle Leave a comment

It is such a momentous time in your child’s life when they become free of nappies and are learning to toilet train. Unfortunately this huge change in your child’s life can really affect sleep.

Toilet training can really affect your child's sleep. — Toilet training can really affect your child’s sleep.

1. Increased night wake ups

Just like any other developmental milestone, the brain is very active at night making sense of all the new information it has learnt. A very active mind can cause your child to wake up more frequently. If your child could sleep independently before toilet training began, then they can during and after – as long as you are consistent with your approach. You may need to attend to your child more frequently during the night, but once you know they are fine, then leave them to fall asleep on their own without your help.

2. Toilet requests at bedtime

Always include a trip to the toilet before a nap and before bedtime in your standard sleep time routine. For a while your child may call out and request a visit to the toilet. This can be difficult for parents as it can feel like a stalling technique. I am sure your child will eventually realise it can be used as one so your judgement here is crucial. If you have had 3 visits to the toilet with no success, then ignore any other requests past that point. You may have a few accidents in bed, but that is part of the joy of toilet training.

3. Requests during the night

So your child is now waking up during the night to go to the toilet. This again is part of the process of learning those toileting cues. Yes you may have a few months of getting up during the night, but again, once your child has been to the toilet, leave them alone to fall asleep independently.

4. Milk at bedtime

If you are still including a bottle or cup of milk during the bedtime routine, I urge you to cut this out of the routine once toilet training has commenced. This will reduce the midnight visits to the toilet.

A child learning how to use the toilet can be a fast or slow process. Not all children are the same so the more relaxed and chilled out you are about it, the better it will be all round. Yes your child’s sleep will be disturbed for a while, but if you are consistent with your approach and you continue to encourage independent sleeping habits, the easier it will be for everyone.

Janelle Jeffery

Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepyime

About Janelle, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods

The Battle of the Experts

June 15, 2014 Janelle Leave a comment

Something very interesting when down on Facebook last night. I follow Pinky McKay (popular lactation consultant) who published an article on BubHub called “Does my baby need a feeding routine?” What makes this interesting is that Tizzie Hall (Sleep Professional) took offence and posted a response. I follow both these ladies out of interest first and foremost, but because they seem to be the extreme of each other. Here is their argument.

Pinky McKay wrote, “expecting a baby to eat according to a strict regime, which restricts the duration and quantity of feeds, is not only unrealistic but can also contribute to a failure to thrive.” What Pinky is basically saying is that if you put your baby on a feeding timetable, they won’t put on weight.

Tizzie Hall wrote in response that, “if this was true why would special care baby units put prem babies on a feeding and sleeping routine to help weight gain.” Interesting counter argument don’t you think? All three of Tizzie Hall’s babies were placed in special care units. She then goes on to say, “to get discharged from hospital all three… had to be on a four hour feeding routine.” What Tizzie is saying is that feeding routines encourage weight gain.

Now most of you would be familiar with Pinky McKay and Tizzie Hall. So, for a new mum out there I can see why parenting can be so confusing. So who is right? Both have years of experience and training in their field. Can they both be right?

Here is where I stand, exactly in the middle. I think they are both right. Why does it have to be one way or the other? Why can’t lactation consultants and sleep consultants work together? Food and sleep are the two basic needs of a newborn, apart from love. When I work with a family who has a newborn, I look at both. Establishing healthy feeding is a priority but so is sleep. If your baby isn’t eating well, they are not going to sleep.

If you solely look at feeds and whenever your baby cries you feed them, this will encourage them to snack feed and fall asleep on the boob. The feed will not be complete. Only having a little food in their tummy will mean your baby will cat nap and wake up hungry.

If you solely look at a sleep schedule, your baby may in fact be hungry and you will have lots of crying as you try and force them to sleep. This is not fun for any mother or baby.

My advice is to educate yourself on both topics. Choose someone like me who will sift through the extremes and actually teach you how to read your babies tired and hunger cues. Having a loose schedule helps you to determine if your baby is tired or hungry. Forcing a baby to eat when tired isn’t the answer either. Establishing healthy sleep habits from birth does not include any sort of ‘cry-it-out’ methods. Not all sleep consultants are militant about schedules and hopefully the same goes for lactation consultants.

If you are confused and do want a little direction, contact me about my newborn programs. Arming yourself with the right information is about making your job as a parents easier, not harder.

Janelle Jeffery

To read the Pinky McKay article, click here.

About Janelle, Child Sleep, Toddler Sleep

No nap- No Way!

December 10, 2013 Janelle Leave a comment

Since my daughter turned three, everyone was telling me to drop that nap! My daughter was always late to drop all her previous naps, so I wanted her to keep it for two main reasons:

1- I wanted her to be ready
2- I wasn’t ready

When she hit 3.5yrs the first point came true- she was showing signs of dropping the nap. Miss E would either fight going down at all, or she would sleep for three hours or more. The long nap seemed like a gift- but what it would mean was that she took forever to fall asleep at night. Some nights it took over an hour for her to finally fall asleep and that was with numerous visits to her bedroom begging her to ‘settle down’ or sternly stating, “it’s sleepytime” over the monitor.

BUT- I wasn’t ready. How would I get all my jobs done during the day without it? Where would I squeeze in “my time” during the day? No nap- no way!

A close friend gave me a reason that finally encouraged me to give it up. She said, “Think about all the things you WILL be able to do during the day. Not having to fly home in the middle of the day for her nap is a bonus.” Ok I may be losing out in some areas, but having the freedom to go out and stay out sounded wonderful. I was ready to give it a go.

Whenever you change a child’s sleep situation, you need to be patient to allow for the body to adjust. For quite a few weeks, Miss E would be really tired during the day and she would even fall asleep in the car. I decided that on some days I would pop on a movie after lunch and let her snuggle her cuddly toy. This allowed me to have some time to myself and it gave her quiet time without the sleep. This really worked well for us.

Ok- occasionally I do offer that midday nap. I am very concerned about Miss E becoming ‘overtired’ so if I really feel that she is just not going to make it until bedtime without a meltdown – I limit the nap to 1 hour and I put her to bed later in the evening.

Since accepting that Miss E was getting older and saying ‘farewell’ to the nap, night times have improved ten fold.

Even though friends and my own expertise were telling me to do something, until I was ready to make that change, I felt it just wasn’t going to work.

Are you ready to drop that nap? To purchase a comprehensive guide to nap transitions, click here.

Sleep well,

Janelle Jeffery

Help your child to love sleep