toddler sleep | Sleepytime

Being a child sleep consultant there is a lot of talk at the dinner table around what I do, so you would be right to think that my daughter Emily is and has always been, a perfect sleeper. Well that just isn’t the case.

In fact I still have this image burnt in my brain of Emily (3 at the time) standing in the bathroom half undressed, tantrum in full swing, and me on my bed crying having a time out. I hated the lead up to bedtime, and so did she. Every night the battle was on. We were both left with wounds even though the end result was her finally falling asleep. No one walked away a winner.

It was getting so horrendous that after dinner, I would pounce on her kicking and screaming (that was both of us!!) whilst trying to navigate the stairs to the bathroom to rip the clothes off her tiny body. Boy she was strong. I would talk to Emily through gritted teeth and basically threaten her that I would send her to bed without a story or a kiss or even pyjamas. She would need to sleep naked! Bedtime was a punishment for both of us.

Hindsight and knowledge are wonderful things because once we finally passed that phase (not quite sure how I did it to be honest as there was a lot of wine consumed during that period) I realised that I needed to teach my daughter about sleep. Sleep should not be a punishment but a lovely reward after a busy day. I looked at sleep that way so why couldn’t she?

How to teach your child about sleep

#1 Tired signs

If your child is getting ratty, being naughty or is having a tantrum AND it is close to a sleep time, tell him “your body is telling me that you are getting tired. I get frustrated/angry/upset/etc when I am tired too.” No child likes to hear, “you are tired.” By commenting on what his body is telling him, takes it away from being a personal attack. It is not his fault he is behaving that way – he’s tired. By telling him that you feel like that too helps him understand that it is normal. This also enables him to begin to recognise the signs of being tired. I love it when Emily says to me “I am tired mummy, I think I need to go to bed.”

#2 No surprises

The element of surprise will only backfire at bedtime. Imagine you are watching your favourite show and your partner switches off the TV and sends you to bed. You would be mighty angry! Children need to be warned that playtime is at an end and bedtime is approaching. Set a timer for 5minutes and once it’s time, playtime is done.

Stick to the same bedtime routine each and every night. A bedtime routine’s job is to send a message to our body that is it time for sleep. If there is no consistent routine, then your child is missing out on that vital sleep cue.

#3 Communication

Talk through the bedtime routine. Some children need step-by-step guidance. These can be one word prompts like “toilet, clothes off, bath, teeth, pyjamas, etc.” There is a lot of research out there stating boys process information differently to girls. If you overload your son with long, wordy instructions, you are likely to hit resistance. Less talk more action applies here. You can download a visual bedtime chart here or make your own.

Explain to your child (not when they are having a meltdown!) why sleep is so important. Make it simple and explain it in a way that is age appropriate.

Sleep is Awesome because…

Sleep makes our hearts happy.
Sleeps helps us to grow.
Sleep helps our body to fight germs.
Sleep helps us to balance and not fall over.
Sleep gives our brain power to think.
Sleep gives us energy to play and have fun.

#4 Punishment

As soon as you make bedtime a punishment, you are always going to be faced with a battle. Sending a child to bed after explaining they are showing their “tired signs” is one thing, but sending them to bed for hurting their sister is the wrong message you want to be giving. If you do need to offer a “timeout” I would recommend using a different room in the house.

So, in a nutshell…

Change your mindset around sleep.
Teach your child about tired signs.
Teach your child about the benefits of sleep.
Follow a consistent bedtime routine. (Download chart)
Contact me here for a professional, holistic approach to change bedtime battles at your house.

Janelle Jeffery Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime — Janelle Jeffery
Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime

In an ideal world, bedtime would be the best time of the day where you get to share some special time with your child or children as they unwind and get ready for bed. You share stories about the day, read books, give lots of kisses and cuddles then they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Now in the real world, that seldom happens. As you merely mention the word “bath time” or “bedtime” world war three erupts. You throw them over your shoulder as you wrestle each other to the bathroom. As you try to rip their clothes off, they run away from you. You manage to catch their nose on the neckline and suddenly they are in tears and so are you. You give up on the bath, forgo story time, turn on the telly you all fall asleep on the couch through total exhaustion.

I remember a few years ago I would send myself to timeout, as I was afraid of what I would do if I stayed there any longer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! So, through my own personal experience, here are a few tips to help ease that bedtime battle…

Play before bath

After dinner is the best time to offer your child a time to play. When it is approximately 30-40minutes before lights out, this is the ideal time to start your bedtime routine. The routine starts with a bath or shower, and ends up in the bedroom with lights out. The bedtime routine is isolated in the bedroom and bathroom only as this becomes the cue that it is “sleepytime”.

Give a heads up

Approximately 5 minutes before the bedtime routine begins, give your child a warning that playtime is nearly over and bath time is about to begin. Imagine you are halfway through painting your nails and you are told to down tools and head to bed. I would say you would be pretty annoyed at being yanked away, plus you haven’t finished yet. Now imagine you get your nail varnish out and I say “you have 5minutes until bath time”. Now you have the choice to quickly paint your nails or choose something else less time consuming. You can even set a timer and once it goes off, it is time to stop playing.

Walk and talk

Once playtime is over, walk and talk. Say “I am heading to the bathroom, I will see you there.” This enables you to be out of the room before the negotiating or arguing starts. You can even make it fun. Tonight we are going to stomp like dinosaurs. Tonight we are going to fly like birds. This is making the transition fun and a slight extension of play.

Offer specific praise

Children love to please. They want to be recognised for doing good deeds. Offer praise and lots of it, BUT make sure the praise is specific to what they are doing. If your child stops playing and heads to the bathroom without a fuss, by saying “good boy” or “good girl” has no meaning to them. If you change it by saying “I liked how you came to the bathroom straight away” allows the child to understand exactly what behaviour pleases you. “I noticed you got into the bath quickly tonight.” Being clear is really important.

Be consistent

There will be some nights when your child will be a true angel and bedtime is a magical experience. There will be some nights when your child is over it and just wants to do what they want to do. Regardless, if you are 100% consistent with your evening routine, YOUR BATTLES WILL BE REDUCED immensely. If one night you are strict with the 5minute warning and the next you give in and agree to 5minutes more, you will inevitably create a bigger bedtime battle.

Children love routine and consistency even if at times they seem to want to resist it. After over a decade of working with children I know this is a definite fact. If you chop and change the rules, your child will be confused and you will pull your hair out.

All in all, bedtime should be a lovely part of your day. If you can keep it a positive and loving experience instead of a screaming match, you will begin to see the change pretty quickly. Every family goes through this bedtime battle from time to time so you are not alone.

Sleep well,

Janelle

Sleepytime

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