Category Archives: Child Behaviour

Child Behaviour Topics

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

5 Top Tips To Reduce Bedtime Battles

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The bedtime battle is exhausting
The bedtime battle is exhausting

In an ideal world, bedtime would be the best time of the day where you get to share some special time with your child or children as they unwind and get ready for bed. You share stories about the day, read books, give lots of kisses and cuddles then they drift peacefully off to sleep.

Now in the real world, that seldom happens. As you merely mention the word “bath time” or “bedtime” world war three erupts. You throw them over your shoulder as you wrestle each other to the bathroom. As you try to rip their clothes off, they run away from you. You manage to catch their nose on the neckline and suddenly they are in tears and so are you. You give up on the bath, forgo story time, turn on the telly you all fall asleep on the couch through total exhaustion.

I remember a few years ago I would send myself to timeout, as I was afraid of what I would do if I stayed there any longer. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! So, through my own personal experience, here are a few tips to help ease that bedtime battle…

 

Play before bath

After dinner is the best time to offer your child a time to play. When it is approximately 30-40minutes before lights out, this is the ideal time to start your bedtime routine. The routine starts with a bath or shower, and ends up in the bedroom with lights out. The bedtime routine is isolated in the bedroom and bathroom only as this becomes the cue that it is “sleepytime”.

Give a heads up

Approximately 5 minutes before the bedtime routine begins, give your child a warning that playtime is nearly over and bath time is about to begin. Imagine you are halfway through painting your nails and you are told to down tools and head to bed. I would say you would be pretty annoyed at being yanked away, plus you haven’t finished yet. Now imagine you get your nail varnish out and I say “you have 5minutes until bath time”. Now you have the choice to quickly paint your nails or choose something else less time consuming. You can even set a timer and once it goes off, it is time to stop playing.

Walk and talk

Once playtime is over, walk and talk. Say “I am heading to the bathroom, I will see you there.” This enables you to be out of the room before the negotiating or arguing starts. You can even make it fun. Tonight we are going to stomp like dinosaurs. Tonight we are going to fly like birds. This is making the transition fun and a slight extension of play.

Offer specific praise

Children love to please. They want to be recognised for doing good deeds. Offer praise and lots of it, BUT make sure the praise is specific to what they are doing. If your child stops playing and heads to the bathroom without a fuss, by saying “good boy” or “good girl” has no meaning to them. If you change it by saying “I liked how you came to the bathroom straight away” allows the child to understand exactly what behaviour pleases you. “I noticed you got into the bath quickly tonight.” Being clear is really important.

Be consistent

There will be some nights when your child will be a true angel and bedtime is a magical experience. There will be some nights when your child is over it and just wants to do what they want to do. Regardless, if you are 100% consistent with your evening routine, YOUR BATTLES WILL BE REDUCED immensely. If one night you are strict with the 5minute warning and the next you give in and agree to 5minutes more, you will inevitably create a bigger bedtime battle.

Children love routine and consistency even if at times they seem to want to resist it. After over a decade of working with children I know this is a definite fact. If you chop and change the rules, your child will be confused and you will pull your hair out.

All in all, bedtime should be a lovely part of your day. If you can keep it a positive and loving experience instead of a screaming match, you will begin to see the change pretty quickly. Every family goes through this bedtime battle from time to time so you are not alone.

 

Sleep well,

IMG_1856Janelle

Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime
Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime
Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Toilet Training and Sleep

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It is such a momentous time in your child’s life when they become free of nappies and are learning to toilet train. Unfortunately this huge change in your child’s life can really affect sleep.

Toilet training can really affect your child's sleep.
Toilet training can really affect your child’s sleep.

1. Increased night wake ups

Just like any other developmental milestone, the brain is very active at night making sense of all the new information it has learnt. A very active mind can cause your child to wake up more frequently. If your child could sleep independently before toilet training began, then they can during and after – as long as you are consistent with your approach. You may need to attend to your child more frequently during the night, but once you know they are fine, then leave them to fall asleep on their own without your help.

2. Toilet requests at bedtime

Always include a trip to the toilet before a nap and before bedtime in your standard sleep time routine. For a while your child may call out and request a visit to the toilet. This can be difficult for parents as it can feel like a stalling technique. I am sure your child will eventually realise it can be used as one so your judgement here is crucial. If you have had 3 visits to the toilet with no success, then ignore any other requests past that point. You may have a few accidents in bed, but that is part of the joy of toilet training.

3. Requests during the night

So your child is now waking up during the night to go to the toilet. This again is part of the process of learning those toileting cues. Yes you may have a few months of getting up during the night, but again, once your child has been to the toilet, leave them alone to fall asleep independently.

4. Milk at bedtime

If you are still including a bottle or cup of milk during the bedtime routine, I urge you to cut this out of the routine once toilet training has commenced. This will reduce the midnight visits to the toilet.

A child learning how to use the toilet can be a fast or slow process. Not all children are the same so the more relaxed and chilled out you are about it, the better it will be all round. Yes your child’s sleep will be disturbed for a while, but if you are consistent with your approach and you continue to encourage independent sleeping habits, the easier it will be for everyone.

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Janelle Jeffery

Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepyime

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Does your child have ‘Jack-in-the-box’ syndrome?

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jackintheboxWhat did you say? I said ‘Jack-in-the-box syndrome! This is a child who just loves getting out of bed to see where you are and what you are up too- all hours of the night!!! You walk them back to their bed, and before you know it they are hot on your heels.

This can be frustrating and exhausting for parents who eventually ‘give in’ and let their child either sleep on the couch or hop into their bed, just so the family can get a little sleep. This problem is very common and it usually starts around 2-3 years of age. I speak with many families whereby the dad has been banished from the bed altogether. This sleeping arrangement is not sustainable, nor is it healthy for your relationship with your partner. Your bed is YOUR bed and that is the way it needs to be so you can all get a good night’s sleep.

So, what can you do to solve this problem?

Wait to Transition into a Bed

I would not transition a toddler into a ‘big bed’ until at least 2.5 years of age. The later, the better! Many parents transition their child far too early, trying to fix an existing bad sleep situation only to find it’s worse now they have the freedom to get out on their own.

Communication

Even if your child is not completely verbal, their understanding is amazing. During the day set the expectations for the night in simple ‘kid-friendly’ language. Tell them they will stay in bed the entire night until it’s morning time (at least 6am). I like using a visual timetable that outlines each step of the bedtime routine with the last picture showing them in their bed. Get creative! Bedtime is non-negotiable from here on in.

Rewards

Children are egocentric. If there is something in if for them, they will want to do it. Get a reward chart ready to go and make a big deal about it. Get a ‘treat bag’ and fill it with little surprises. These do not need to be expensive. Items such as books, hair clips, cars and play-dough work well. Each night they remain in their bed, they will earn a sticker on their chart as well as a treat from the bag. Work towards a surprise at the end, like an outing or a special toy.

Consistency

Children test boundaries. They need to know that the rules are the rules no matter what. Rules enable them feel safe and secure in their environment. Children will try and try again to work around the rules BUT really they want you to say ‘NO’. Once you ‘give in’ you will create a bigger problem. Children quickly learn that you mean what you say only some of the time. You need to be strong and firm and have routines in place. If you are consistent all of the time, then the transition will be a lot easier. Change is hard for everybody and it will be met with some protest from your child. Remember you are doing what is best for them AND for your entire family.

Fun

Make bedtime fun. You don’t want your little one dreading bedtime because it’s when they are banished to their room, alone, missing out on the fun elsewhere. Sing songs, read a book together, talk about the day. Purchase some special pyjamas and let them choose which ones to wear.

All children at some stage will want to get out of bed and hop into yours. Armed with this knowledge, the key to success is to be prepared for it. Each night needs to be predictable and you need to be consistent. I have provided some simple tips that can certainly improve the sleep situation overall. The good news is that it is achievable but toddlers/children can be tricky customers. If you find that it is all too difficult, remember I can help you to solve this once and for all with a tailored plan and support program. Contact me here for more information.

Sleep Well,

Janelle Jeffery