Child Behaviour, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Training Methods, Toddler Sleep

Why I’m teaching my daughter about sleep

May 19, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Being a child sleep consultant there is a lot of talk at the dinner table around what I do, so you would be right to think that my daughter Emily is and has always been, a perfect sleeper. Well that just isn’t the case.

In fact I still have this image burnt in my brain of Emily (3 at the time) standing in the bathroom half undressed, tantrum in full swing, and me on my bed crying having a time out. I hated the lead up to bedtime, and so did she. Every night the battle was on. We were both left with wounds even though the end result was her finally falling asleep. No one walked away a winner.

It was getting so horrendous that after dinner, I would pounce on her kicking and screaming (that was both of us!!) whilst trying to navigate the stairs to the bathroom to rip the clothes off her tiny body. Boy she was strong. I would talk to Emily through gritted teeth and basically threaten her that I would send her to bed without a story or a kiss or even pyjamas. She would need to sleep naked! Bedtime was a punishment for both of us.

Hindsight and knowledge are wonderful things because once we finally passed that phase (not quite sure how I did it to be honest as there was a lot of wine consumed during that period) I realised that I needed to teach my daughter about sleep. Sleep should not be a punishment but a lovely reward after a busy day. I looked at sleep that way so why couldn’t she?

How to teach your child about sleep

#1 Tired signs

If your child is getting ratty, being naughty or is having a tantrum AND it is close to a sleep time, tell him “your body is telling me that you are getting tired. I get frustrated/angry/upset/etc when I am tired too.” No child likes to hear, “you are tired.” By commenting on what his body is telling him, takes it away from being a personal attack. It is not his fault he is behaving that way – he’s tired. By telling him that you feel like that too helps him understand that it is normal. This also enables him to begin to recognise the signs of being tired. I love it when Emily says to me “I am tired mummy, I think I need to go to bed.”

#2 No surprises

The element of surprise will only backfire at bedtime. Imagine you are watching your favourite show and your partner switches off the TV and sends you to bed. You would be mighty angry! Children need to be warned that playtime is at an end and bedtime is approaching. Set a timer for 5minutes and once it’s time, playtime is done.

Stick to the same bedtime routine each and every night. A bedtime routine’s job is to send a message to our body that is it time for sleep. If there is no consistent routine, then your child is missing out on that vital sleep cue.

#3 Communication

Talk through the bedtime routine. Some children need step-by-step guidance. These can be one word prompts like “toilet, clothes off, bath, teeth, pyjamas, etc.” There is a lot of research out there stating boys process information differently to girls. If you overload your son with long, wordy instructions, you are likely to hit resistance. Less talk more action applies here. You can download a visual bedtime chart here or make your own.

Explain to your child (not when they are having a meltdown!) why sleep is so important. Make it simple and explain it in a way that is age appropriate.

Sleep is Awesome because…

Sleep makes our hearts happy.
Sleeps helps us to grow.
Sleep helps our body to fight germs.
Sleep helps us to balance and not fall over.
Sleep gives our brain power to think.
Sleep gives us energy to play and have fun.

#4 Punishment

As soon as you make bedtime a punishment, you are always going to be faced with a battle. Sending a child to bed after explaining they are showing their “tired signs” is one thing, but sending them to bed for hurting their sister is the wrong message you want to be giving. If you do need to offer a “timeout” I would recommend using a different room in the house.

So, in a nutshell…

Change your mindset around sleep.
Teach your child about tired signs.
Teach your child about the benefits of sleep.
Follow a consistent bedtime routine. (Download chart)
Contact me here for a professional, holistic approach to change bedtime battles at your house.

Janelle Jeffery Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime — Janelle Jeffery
Child Sleep Consultant for Sleepytime

About Janelle, Baby Sleep, Parenting

The time I gave up and accepted sleep help for my baby.

May 18, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Accepting or asking for help is hard but so wroth it.

Currently I am a member of a specific Facebook group where mums get to share and ask for each other for parenting help. I often feel saddened when one poor sleep deprived mum asks for sleep help for their baby or child. Nine times out of ten other mums share their ideas (which is great) but many say “suck it up” or “if you wanted sleep you shouldn’t have become a mum in the first place.” It can be a brutal world out there.

Not that long ago I was that sleep deprived mum, yet Facebook wasn’t a big thing. Hard to believe I know. I was curled up in a ball… my husband came home with advice and tips from another dad from his work, to help us with our daughter’s sleep or lack there of. I had been up every hour feeding, pumping and settling her. During the day I was lucky to get 45mins at a time. I didn’t ask Robert for help overnight because he was out working all day and I was a stay at home mum. This was my job right? Obviously I wasn’t very good at “faking it” or pretending to keep my shit together after all. I was an educated woman with over a decade of experience with children, so why was I finding this parenting gig so bloody tough? I WAS SLEEP DEPRIVED AND I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING!! I am still astounded you can just walk out of hospital with your baby, no questions asked. It’s harder to adopt a pet!! Anyway, I digress.

Ok, back to that moment, the old me would have told Robert to shove his so called “sleep knowledge” where the sun don’t shine. Well, I probably did say something like “so you think I’m a crap mother.” But the next day I digested what he said to me; I did some research, and I started to try a few settling techniques…. And guess what???? EUREKA IT WORKED!!

Now it wasn’t a magic solution, but what I got was guidance and knowledge about baby sleep and what to try to do to help her sleep a little longer for naps and at night. It took patience, consistency and teamwork. It worked because I gave up being stubborn and accepted the sleep help, support and advice I was offered.

The reason I want to share this moment with you is because it was a pivotal point in my life where I understood that asking for help, for anything, was far better than struggling through and “getting on with it.” We are not trained to be parents and we are not perfect. Whether you need sleep help, lactation support or even just a time out to shave your legs – ask for it!! By asking for help you are not a failure, you are finally accepting that you live in a loving community, not in isolation. As my mother used to say “a problem shared is a problem halved.”

Do you want some professional advice about your baby or child’s sleep? Are you looking for a holistic approach and not a quick fix? Do you want help from someone who has experienced what it is like to be a sleep deprived parent? Book here

Baby Sleep, Child Sleep, Parenting, Sleep Products, Toddler Sleep

What to do when sickness strikes

May 10, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

A sick baby affects the whole family. — A sick baby affects the whole family

There have been some nasty bugs going around lately. Whether it is a cold, the flu, ear infection, gastro or anything else you can think of, when your little one is unwell, it can be difficult for the whole family. It can certainly be a shock to the system too if your baby, toddler or child WAS sleeping through the night and now they are frequently waking.

When ill, we all need as much rest as we can so our body can fight the infection.

Below are some tips to help you through the tough times.

Offer comfort. When your baby cries, go to them, they need you. Give them a kiss and a cuddle and give lots of reassurance.
Offer water. Keeping fluids up and remaining hydrated is important. Offering extra milk feeds at night should only be given if recommended by a physician. Feeding your baby back to sleep will make things harder once they are feeling better. Milk is not necessary.
Limit rocking and patting to sleep. If your baby isn’t used to you settling them this way, they may become more upset and confused. If you find this is the only way you can comfort your baby, then as soon as they are on the mend, stop.
Try not to bring your baby into bed with you – I find this one hard! A better option is to make a ‘make-shift’ bed in your baby’s room. They need their space to feel better.
Purchase a reliable thermometer so you can track their temperature.
Record the time when medication is administered. It can be hard to keep track in the middle of the night.
Use a “Vick’s Vapourizer” or “Medescan Rainbow Mist Humidifier”. Both work a little differently but they both can help with a snuffly nose or tickly chest. They are well worth the money.
When your baby rests, so do you. The last thing you need is for you to fall sick yourself so rest and re-cooperate whenever possible.

Health Direct Australia – 1800 002 222

If it isn’t an emergency, but you are wanting medical advice, calling Health Direct Australia is great because at first you will speak directly with a nurse and if she/he cannot advise you, you will be transferred to speak with a doctor.

After Hours GP

Chances are your baby will be ill over night when seeking medical treatment is limited. There are many after hour GP services that will come to your home during the night. Only drawback is that there is often a long wait time, but at least you are at home. Ask your local GP who they recommend so patient notes can be transferred.

Emergency

If it is an emergency, knowing where your child hospital is located, is crucial or phone 000.

Stay well and sleep tight!

Contact me via email janelle@sleepytime.net.au or complete the online form to book in a time to chat about your little one’s sleep issues.

Child Behaviour, Child Sleep

Preparing for the new school year – A sleep perspective

January 18, 2016 Janelle Leave a comment

Learning is tiring. Sleep is vital for child development.

For some of you, February marks the first time your child will attend school. Some of us have been here before but many of us will be feeling worried about how our children will cope (me included!).

With only a couple of weeks of holiday left, making sleep your priority will enable your child to have a smoother start to the year. Preparing your child needs to start tonight.

1) The Bedtime Routine – what you need to know.

Length: If the bedtime routine has become quite relaxed over the summer, it is time to get back on track. The bedtime routine should take about 30-40mins tops otherwise it can drag out and your child will become overtired. An overtired child will either struggle to fall asleep and/or have night wake ups. Some children once overtired can experience night terrors.

Steps: Beginning the bedtime routine with a bath or shower as this can enable your child to unwind from the day’s events. A wash can relax the body, triggering the mind to get ready for sleep.

A simple bedtime routine would look something like this:

Toilet then bath or shower
Brush teeth
Pjs on and dim lights
Bed and book (limited to 1 or 2 depending on the length)
Kiss and a cuddle
Lights out then leave

Download your free bedtime routine chart here

Location: Where the routine takes place is just as important as the steps involved. Trying to keep the routine within the bathroom and bedroom environment creates a smoother transition into bed. It also reduces the risk of a bedtime battle as many children feel bedtime is a punishment because the fun continues without them.

2) Bedtime – Setting the ideal time for bed.

The first thing to keep in mind is that it will take about 15-20minutes (on average) for your child to fall asleep. So knowing that, if the time for bed is 8pm, then really your child is sleeping from 8:20pm. For some children this is too late. The old phrase “sleep begets sleep” means if your child is not getting enough sleep, they will run a ‘sleep debt’. This can cause night wakings and/or early rising and night terrors. Your child will sleep less even though in reality they need more.

Say over the summer 8pm has been working fine as your child has been sleeping later in the morning, you still need to consider that school will be starting soon, and your child will need to be up earlier in the morning. Jumping immediately to a 7pm may mean that your child will just lay awake until 8pm anyway. Your child may not lie there at all, but instead decide to come out multiple times trying to burn off the last bit of energy.

I recommend over the next few weeks to slowly push bedtime closer to 7/7:30pm. You can do this by moving bedtime forward every 3-5nights by 10-15mins. It would look something like this:

Nights 1-3 7:50pm bedtime
Nights 3-5 7:40pm bedtime
Nights 6-9 7:30pm bedtime

How quickly you alter the time for bed depends on how your child copes with change. Slower is ideal because adjusting your body clock takes time.

3) Daytime Naps – how to cope.

If your child still takes a daytime nap, you may want to go a day here and there without one before school starts. You are testing the waters really because you do not want the first day of school to be the first no nap day! This is to prepare your child for long days at school with little to no rest time. On those days make sure bedtime is super early.

If you feel your child is ready to drop the nap completely and you are not sure how, download my Nap Guide here.

Other considerations…

Starting the new school year is full of excitement (kids) and nerves (parents!). Enough sleep is crucial for a smooth transition. You child is going to be exhausted for the first few weeks so making sleep a priority before school starts is key.

If you know that your child is not a great sleeper, it may be time to seek help. Research suggests that,

“Sleep plays an important role in memory, both before and after learning a new task. Lack of sleep affects mood, motivation (and) judgement.”(HealthySleep)

A well-rested child is one who is open to learning, accepting of new experiences and willing to play with others.

If you are experiencing sleep troubles, book in your free 15min consultation with me at www.sleepytime.net.au/contact

Sleep well,

Reference: www.healthysleep.med.harvard.edu

About Janelle, Parenting

Mum to One

November 26, 2015 Janelle 4 Comments

The universe told me to write this post. You will be privy to something deep inside my soul. This is about my journey being a mum to one child.

Over 18months ago I wrote a blog post called “Just One Child.” In this post I shared the issue I had with my personal response to the question “How many children do you have?” – “Just One.” My response said I felt guilty about not being able to produce a sibling for our beautiful daughter Emily. What is said was that I was less of a woman because I could not perform the most basic thing. It reinforced that I was a failure.

After writing that piece, I did change my attitude and response. Now I happily say “I have one!”

Robert and I have been trying to have another baby for over three years. With Emily nearly 6, it has been quite the journey. With taking a multitude of vitamins, checking my temperature daily, tracking my menstrual cycle, checking my bodily fluids even visiting a fertility treatment centre, we felt we tried the best we could. Yes we could have tried more, but we just didn’t have it in us. Trying for so long we just needed to get off that rollercoaster. In the end we realized that we were so blessed. We have the most amazingly smart, funny, imaginative, breathtaking little girl who is our everything. We accepted that it just wasn’t going to happen for us.

This year has been a real turning point for me. When I see babies or pregnant bellies, the feeling in the pit of my stomach isn’t as intense. That jealousy is fading. Yes it is still there from time to time but most of the time I feel nothing but happiness for that mum. This has been a huge leap forward for me.

Four months ago I felt ready to sell the pram. I kid you not, I said to the poor mum buying it “You can’t have it unless you promise to look after it.” It took me a long time to feel that I was ready to let it go. It wasn’t just a pram, it was so much more.

When there is change, there are setbacks. Unfortunately these setbacks catch you out. Only a few weeks ago I was sitting in a meeting with 5 other colleagues. As we were saying our goodbyes, one asked, “So are you having any more children?” I proudly and confidently responded “No.” Then she shocked me by asking “Why?” With 5 faces all staring at me, my tough exterior was shattered. My brain kept saying over and over “how can she ask me this?” This question came from a mum of one too. Weren’t we on the same team? Luckily everyone else in the room could see the horror on my face and jumped in and rescued me by saying how amazing Emily was. So clearly, I am not totally over it.

Robert and I often talk about our “little family.” Now interestingly we focus on all the positives about having one child and in fact one starting “big school” next year. We no longer have nappies to change, toilet training to implement or dictated by nap schedules. We don’t need to get up a thousand times a night.

For Emily, she gets the best of both worlds. She spends a lot of time with friends at school, after school and on weekends. She is also very close to her cousins. On the plus side, she also gets true down time where she doesn’t need to negotiate with others or share her toys. She gets a choice of mummy or daddy to read her a story or even both. She still manages to fight with her fur sister Minnie Moo (the cat), but at the end of the day, it is what it is.

No matter how much guilt I carry or call myself a failure, I cannot suddenly make my body grow a baby. What I do have control over is getting the support I need to deal with the grief. What I have control over is how I respond to those road bumps and pick myself up along the way.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I have the most amazing daughter who is a pure miracle. I have the most loving husband who is my best friend. I am lucky to have so many people in my life who really do love me for me, warts and all. I can no longer dwell on what I cannot change or cannot have.

This is my personal journey being a mum to one. It isn’t over but I can see the light. If you are a mum to one or even a mum to none and are struggling right now, I hear you and I see you. Lean on people around you. Allow yourself to grieve. It does get easier.

Am I completely accepting and ok that I am the mum to one? No. Do I think I will be some day? Yes

Help your child to love sleep